I hope this message reaches you in good spirits. My name is Andrew, and I’m Joey’s cousin. I’m so glad you have the opportunity to spend time around him and be directly affected by his passion for helping others. Whether helping his family, his clients, or his fellow man, this kid goes at it 100%. I don’t get to see him as much as I’d like because I live inCalifornia, but I can tell you that no amount of distance can keep him from inspiring me to be a better person and do more with what God has so graciously given me.

I have to admit, I haven’t written one of these letters before — I’m not quite sure where to begin really — but I want to tell you a little bit about my life and something I have been thinking a lot about lately. My mom. Today would have been her 60th birthday, but she passed away unexpectedly last May. Days like today, since her passing, used to be difficult for me. For some reason though, things feel different now. For some reason I feel happy, grateful, full. What changed you might ask? Well, typically I allow myself to dwell on the series of negative events leading up to her passing, as well as the new ones that were borne on that day. Today, though, as I think through the past couple years, I can’t help but realize how amazingly lucky I am. 

You see, after college I moved toCaliforniato start my first post-college job, but after about a year in, my mom got pretty sick and it got to the point where I knew I had to do something. The next day, I walked into my boss’ office and quit my job. I told them I needed to move home right away. So I did. Two weeks later I was back at home, living in my parents’ basement and helping take care of my mom. She started to get better after a while, and things were really starting to look up. I thought I was finally back in control. But alcoholism, mixed in with a slew of other health problems, finally caught up with her one night, and the next day she was gone. I still remember finding her there that morning. That was a morning I’ve always tried to forget. 

Finally, I realized that everyone has to a choice. They can find the good in life or let the bad take them down. I thought about the bad parts far too often and for far too long. What about the good? Sure my mom was sick, and she battled disease for years, but she was a great mother. We had a great relationship. She knew I loved her and I knew she loved me. I was lucky to have acted on that sudden impulse to quit my job and move him. It gave me another full year with my mom. I was lucky to have my company ask me to stay and for them to allow me to work fromPhoenixon reduced hours so that I could help take care of her. I was lucky to be surrounded by loving friends, fellow humans, who I knew cared about me and who could lift me out of my grief. 

Thankful. Thats what I am now. We all experience bad things in life. That will never change. But we always can. We can always choose to find the positive. To take steps forward and lift ourselves, with help from others, from the pitfalls of life. We will always have that choice. And for me, that choice is finally clear again.

Now, I dont know your story. In fact, I don’t know anything about you. But I do know that you have that choice too and you always will. Choose to see the good in life. It’s all around us. We just have to make the decision to open our eyes.

Your fellow human,

Andrew

You cant keep me down for long,

Cuz im getting stronger,

Cuz I keep getting stonger…*

*say….say…

I’ve seen the lightning flashing

Yes I did*

And I’ve seen the hurt

Felt the pain

Lived through the failures

Cried through the rain

Keep track of my losses

And add up all my gains

Life is a court

And I love the game

Evolution

because Things will NEVER stay the same

We all point fingers

When we are all to blame

MY Passion is authentic

YOU Cannot duplicate my Flame

Balance…

It’s the hardest to find

And even harder to maintain

Life rehab…

Has kept me sane

Life is a game

You can choose to play

Every single night

I bow my head and pray

That every single day

Brings me challenges

Brings me struggle

Cuz the struggle LIES within

Try to do right

Grab my shield

Then Battle sin

I look to you for strength

Because my patience runs thin

I pray

Because…

Strength lies WITHN

 And if you lose…

Then I will NEVER WIN

*say….say…

I’ve seen the lightning flashing

Yes I did*

And I’ve seen the hurt

Felt the pain

Lived through the failures

Cried through the rain

I just have to put it into the universe

Spiritual being

Despite my presence at church

My heart…

A gift

A curse

Stay in the presence

Focused on the future

Regardless of my reverse

I Stay hungry

I just want to quench my thirst

So much beauty

My eyes begin to burst

Fuck last place

All I want is first

Life isn’t perfect

But,

It can always be worse

You get 1 shot at life

No REHEARSE

Birth

Then death

Everything inbetween

LIFE IS EMPTY AND MEANINGLESS

If you don’t have the courage to chase your dream

*say….say…

I’ve seen the lightning flashing

Yes I did*

And I’ve seen the hurt

Felt the pain

Lived through the failures

Cried through the rain

*you cant keep me down

You cant keep me down for long,

Cuz im getting stronger,

Cuz I keep getting stonger…*

Life is a garden

I pick the weeds

Smell the roses

*were all in the same picture

We just have different poses*

We all slip

We all fall

But only the Cinderella’s

Have the strength the make it to ball

So I pack my bags…

Every single Monday

Tell my self

No use for someday

One day

Is now

My star bursts

*POW*

Hit you in the heart

Usain bolt

Leading from the start

Life is sweet

YOU make it tart

I put it into the universe…

I put into existence…

Life could end within the next instant

And because of that

No longer do I have the desire for resistance

Me as a person

I keep it so real

You might view me as weak

But my heart…

It’s made of steel

Onion soul

I Love to peel

Even on my worst day

My smile

Will always overcome my frown

Because…

*you cant keep me down

You cant keep me down for long,

Cuz im getting stronger,

Cuz I keep getting stonger…*

*you cant keep me down

You cant keep me down for long,

Cuz im getting stronger,

Cuz I keep getting stonger…*

Written by: Vincent “A three penny piece”

Inspired by: Real life shit

*Jay electronica “stronger”

It can only be possible if you put it into the universe...

I didn’t write this to be an author…I didn’t write this to be on a soapbox…I wrote this to let you know who I REALLY am and all I’m trying to do is either thank you or try and help you. If you feel that this will help someone you know…pleez feel free to tag someone…thank you.

PHOTOSYNTHESIS

For those of you who know me best know that I can be very stubborn and don’t like to change the way I do things at all. The times in my life that I have changed or will change are times that I can truly grow as a person or an eye opening event occurs. There have been three people in my life that I can say I knew and have passed away. One was a really close friend of mine who was the same age as me, Her name was Angie Bradley…from her passing I learned that I needed to express how I felt more, that I didn’t open up enough to people and that if a good friend of mine were to pass again they would know that I appreciated them to their fullest extent. The second time someone close to me passed was my best friends mother Kristina Gastelum… Prior to her passing me and her son hadn’t been talking for a good year or so and after her passing our friendship has never been stronger…And from her passing I learned that you cant let stupid petty things ruin a true friendship, you cant let ego, pride and hard headedness get in the way of forming life long bonds. With the passing of Kristina I also learned that we take sooo many things in this world for granted, and within an instant it could all be taken away from us, and since then, there hasn’t been a time where I’ve talked to my Mother and didn’t end the conversation with “I love you Mom”. Because if I never got a chance to talk to her again…those would be the words I would have wanted her to hear me say last. Aunt Kathy is the third person in my life that I have known who has passed on…and it has affected me in a way that I would have never imagined. Most people didn’t know that Aunt Kathy and I have talked with each other more over the past year than the combined 25 years prior. She would call me and talk to me about my business and tell me how proud she was of me and ask me how I was doing and if I liked what I was doing, and how she was so happy that what I was doing made me happy. She would tell me what Andrew and Serena had been doing and what uncle Jim and Grandma and Grandpa had been up to, And I would have to play dumb anytime I heard family news because Kathy had already filled me in. She would always face book message me asking me how I was doing, and again tell me how proud she was of me. At the time it shocked me that she would do this and until now I didn’t know why she was doing it, seeing as though she had never talked to me like this before. …

When I received the call Monday morning that Kathy had passed I was in complete shock and didn’t know what to think nor say…as the day went on all I could think about was how she used to call me, why did she call me? And why out of no where did she pass? It wasn’t till an email that I received Tuesday from one of my clients that had him talking about his fears, failures and some of his personal setbacks did Kathy’s passing “hit” me. This is what I told him and this is what I’m telling you, this is what I’m telling myself…this is how Kathy’s passing has changed my life.

Life is so short and every single day we take our own life and other people’s lives for granted. You never know when your time has come or a loved ones time has come. If you knew Kathy at all then you knew she didn’t care about what you thought about her, she didn’t care what she wore, how she talked, didn’t care if you were going to judge her….no matter what, she was going to be Kathy. She wasn’t Scared…she did as she pleased and that made her happy. Too many of us get caught up in the cookie cutter lifestyle that the world has placed upon us…too many of us become “institutionalized”. We move to fast, we care too little and we are SCARED way too much. Scared to fail, scared to fall, scared to take risks, scared to be alone, scared to show emotion, scared to say what’s “REALLY” on our minds, SCARED TO SHOW THE WORLD AND OTHERS AROUND US WHO WE REALLY ARE. The world has turned so many of us into cowards and cookie cutter molds that we become miserable. As you listen to me or read this, ask yourself if you truly are happy or are you just putting on a smile because that’s what you were taught to do, ask yourself if what your doing is truly making you happy, ask yourself… are you scared??? Are you scared to take risks? Are you scared of failure? Are you scared to be something different …something authentic? I told Joe like I’m telling you and I have now just realized this since Kathy has passed…life is to short to be scared, life is to short to NOT take risks, life is to damn short to worry what other people think of you…life is to short and while we are here…we need to be what we WANT TO BE. If you fall or fail its no big deal…get up and try again, cuz life is too short for us NOT to get back up and life is too short to NOT TRY!!! Life is to short to be miserable, and I’m here, now telling you that I will NOT be a miserable person and I will forever do what makes me happy and I will forever be who I’m suppose to be not what others think I should be or want me to be. Kathy called me and talked to me about what makes me the most happy…my business. My ability to help people, to guide people, to motivate people and make a difference in peoples lives, Kathy knew that what I do makes me happy and because of that it made her happy…what made Kathy happy is when others around her were happy. It didn’t matter if you were family or not, she wanted people to be happy…as I look around this world I see so much misery it makes me sad. To many people focus on things that in the end…will NEVER matter… to many people do not “Grow” and they stay eating the same cheese forever and ever and don’t even realize it…they don’t even realize they’re miserable, they just think that’s what life is about. They become content before they ever reach their full potential…they WASTE TIME!!! And our time here is so short here on this earth. So, ask yourself if you are growing as a person, are you growing physically? Mentally? Emotionally? and spiritually? Are you wasting your time here on earth? 90% of people in this world waste their life chasing happiness and will never get it because they’re scared. They’re scared to take a good look at themselves and see how miserable they really are and are scared of the work its going to take to become happy. Kathy’s passing has taught me so much more than I could have EVER imagined…I will no longer be scared of myself, of others, of my emotions and being who I want to be…I want happiness and if I’m scared… I will never find it. Everything happens for a reason and even though we NEVER want anyone to pass, from this event I have grown, and I hope that everyone who reads this or listens to this will grow as well. Without Kathy being gone…I know that I would have been scared…I am no longer scared to be who I want to be or who I’m suppose to be. Thank you Aunt Kathy for showing me it’s ok to be who you are. Those phone calls meant more to me than you’ll ever know, I love you and I’m anxious to see you again someday so I can thank you in person for changing my life.

Inspired by: A True Story

Written by: Vincent “A-Three-Penny-Piece” – Friday, May 28th  2010

Growth

*right hook*

*KA-POWWW*

*slow motion hit the ground…slide in the dirt*

When you get knocked down

Crushed

You lay on the ground

Covered in dust

Scrapes

Bruises

You swallow slowly

Blink sporadic

Have a dead stare

Hoping when you get up

The silhouettes not there

You ache

Heartbreak…

*deep breath*

Roll to your side

Not dead

But hoping heaven would take

Dear God

Don’t let my psyche break

You sit up

Re-collect before

You get up

Thoughts hit hard

Brain plagued

Memories leave scars

Everything happened so fast

Freeway cars

Pain fades slow

Dying stars

It just takes time

Sit there and rewind

Stick to the rum

No need for wine

See where it went bad

Chest bleeding

Stabbed

*look around*

Bandage

Patch

Repair

Get up

Despite despair

Stand…

Still woozy

*right hook*

Was a doozy

Knees frail

Thoughts stale

Emo

Male

Stomach empty

Emotions

Plenty

Stay silent

Never violent

Quiet vent

Its all I need

Helps stop the bleed

Truthful

Crutches

Useful

Helps me regain my stance

Keep looking back

Second chance?

Second wind…

With broken sails

Id rather walk the plank

When all else fails

Bend

Never break

Spirit of nails

Leave the crutches

Dust off

Still bleeding

Its ok tho…

Im still breathing

Heart hurts

But…

Its still beating

Horrible sleep

But still eating

Stretch out

1 step…

2 step…

Begin to stride

Moments at a time

Feeling alive

You acknowledge the hurt

Swallow your pride

Then….

Learn to survive

Begin to revive

Start to thrive

Life’s my steering wheel

I CHOOSE TO DRIVE

Sun always shines

Clouds in-between

Nightmares

Mixed with dreams

Negative energy

Taste

Spit it out

Get it out

Played like a drum

Knocked down

Heart went numb

It starts with the get up

Walk

Then run

Forgive for love

No more hate

Knock down hurts

The get up feels great

Not running fast

But a generous pace

Lips sweet

Love her taste

Side tracked

Don’t forget about the race

Beautiful smile

Whatta waste

Life goes on

The past

Erase

Embrace

The space

Created

Might take a while to get

Re-situated

Gave her my all

Smothered her with kindness

Saturated

The get up is long

It’s a struggle

It’s a fight

Stay true to your word

And soon enough

Your wings will take flight

Standing again

Finish line in sight

Keep pushing thought the night

Stay strong in the light

Knowing that if I can get up

Everything will be alright

Knocking off the dust, cleaning up the scrapes, bends are ok…just don’t break…

Inspired by: A true story

Written by: Vincent “A-Three-Penny-Piece”

Fall down to get up

Long time no talk…

Please remove yourself from this moment

So we can take a walk

I have some things I would like to tell

You are no longer the reason y I fail

Why I hurt.

You are no longer the reason I need to try

Need to cry

Need to live without having to die

Need to lie

To myself

And to others

You are a horrible mother

Have been a horrible sis

But without you

 There would have been so many possibilities that I would have missed

I have had so much anger towards you…

Will you dismiss?

Will you forgive?

Im so very sorry that you CHOSE THE WAY I LIVED

Im sorry I always ran

Im sorry that I never took your hand

Nor took the time to understand

Here I am now

Ready to make a stand

Was a boy

I am now becoming a man

Will you understand?

Please forgive me for not showing you my love

Please GOD…PLEASE just let me give her a hug

A kiss

Forgive me Veronica for all the things I have missed

Forgive me for my arrogance

For my self pity ways

Many rackets have left me plagued

I used you for a crutch for the longest of time

You were my favorite racket

One of a kind

But now,

I no longer need your racket to play my game

A blank canvas leaves me with possibilities for days, for years

I no longer need to paint my canvas w tears.

And when they throw dirt on me

and bury me 6 feet in dust

I want to exit this world w a painting that would leave Van Gogh

 Jealous

And I want to show you

“look at my canvas that you help me paint”

Your one of the biggest reasons

I am successful

Thank you for everything you have done for me

Shown me

Im sorry I used you as an excuse to be lonely…

If I cant love you

I can never love myself

I need your forgiveness

For my emotional health

I love you veronica

And I wouldn’t trade you for the world

I thank you for one boy and 2 little girls

I cant wait till you get out

So we can share our worlds…

I love you veronica and hope you will forgive me

Love your brother,

Joey Bellus

Life is…a roll coaster ride full of shit!! And get used to it…because the shit…it never ends. And the more you don’t want it to happen…the more a gigantic butt comes down from the sky and keeps dropping more off…and guess what…you forgot your umbrella.

I came to the landmark forum for a few reasons…I wanted to find consistency, balance and success in life. I came because I wanted my business to be successful and knew that if I couldn’t change my outlook on myself or life…all of my dreams would die and nothing is more important to me than my dreams.

Break through#1

 They say what when someone is talking and you begin to zone out or get tired it’s a subconscious way of resistance.  And the first time I started to get tired was when we learned what the word “integrity” and integrity in the forum has nothing to do with your “morals”.  Integrity when we’re talking about transformation “is a state or condition of wholeness, and completeness” the more integrity you have the more you allow workability, and workability = the maximum opportunity for results and success. Integrity is playing by your rules, honoring your principles and values, honoring your word as yourself and having others honor their word.  I have been living a life with minimal amount of integrity and making excuses each time I didn’t want to have integrity.

Breakthrough #2

 I am a whiny, selfish, arrogant, lazy, boring, scumbag lying asshole, who is scared, weak, miserable and alone. (And I wonder y I’m still single)

Once I had accepted all of these things…I mean really accepted them…my journey began.

Breakthrough #3

I have nothing because that’s all I’ve ever been given, that’s all IVE ever asked for *cue the story of you running and how you realized everything you have ever asked for hit you like a ton of bricks* and for the first time in your life you felt like you weren’t running from EVERYTHING but you were running WITH everything because everything I have wanted…I have.

Breakthrough #4

I was mad at all the wrong people…I was really mad at myself and blamed other people for EVERYTHING…especially my sister…so in front of 200 people I opened up my heart for the very first time in my life and read a letter that I wrote to her…after it was done…I had finally realized how amazing and powerful love and happiness is.  I finally realized how powerful and amazing I am.

Break through #5

 nobody really sees how miserable or stressed they really are…they try to prove themselves over and over and want nothing more than to be “loved and accepted”

I woke up to a phone call Sunday morning…it was my brother.

Breakthrough #6

 Nothing….and with nothing you can create EVERYTHING!!! 

Breakthrough #7

 the more simple it is…the harder it is to understand “it can’t be this simple” “there has to be something more” “what’s the catch”There is no catch…you made that up all in your head…everyone is out to get you and the jokes on you…and now I can be a part of the biggest joke in the world “love and happiness” sit back and laugh at you and say “jokes on you”

And once I realized how “simple everything really is” I laughed and everything “starting coming together

Breakthrough #8 my nick name is “J-K.I.D.” for a reason…

And I realized all I am is just a lost kid…a lost kid who wants nothing more than to explore life, smile, laugh, cry, learn, play, fall down, get back up, make others laugh…make others happy…eat, sleep and do it all over again

Breakthrough #9

on the way to work…I “popped” on the way to work Monday morning I was driving and the first song I played on my ipod was a song called “shiny suit theory” by a poet named “jay Electronica” the chorus of the song goes

I’m sailing on a cloud

They trailing below

My shrink told me it’s a feeling they will never know

I pack up all my sins and wear them to the show

Let em go

Let em go

Let em go

Let em go

(you can look the song up to hear the whole version…and ive been listening to this song for a few weeks now and NEVER NEVER once even thought about having a breakdown…ive sung this song outloud and the I realized for the very first time…ive forgiven my self and let it all go)

My version in the car as I began to cry sounded like this

Im sailing on a cloud

They trailing below

My shrink told me it’s a feeling they will never know

I pack up all my sins, all of my insecurities, all of my hate, all of my anger, all of everybodys judgements and ridicule and wear them to the show

Let em go

Let em go

Let em go

Let em go

*Repeat*

At that moment I had finally forgiven myself for everything I have done and had peace of mind…because I found integrity, love and happiness.  I thought I came to the forum to find myself…but I found out that I came to the forum and lost everything.  And when you’re lost there are an endless amount of possibilities of what you can find. You just have to accept the fact that if you want to be ordinary you’ll forever be “reasonable” if you want to extraordinary you’ll be FOREVER unreasonable.

Thomas Edison

The wright brothers

Albert Einstein

Martin Luther King

ELVIS PRESLEY

There were all unreasonable…look at what happened…just sayin…

We all swim around in a sea of opinions…trying to be right,

not be wrong,

you better hold on tight

because im not that strong

 trying to look good,

and not look bad

We are all happy

And get made fun of when were sad

Look tough

Never weak

Were all scared

But never speak

Were all sooo reasonable

All so sure

All so successful

All so pure

Are you sure?

Are you REALLY sure?

Me…

Im not

Give me misery, give me pain

It’s only when we realize we have everything we ever wanted

Where you will truly make your gains

But you…

You wont

YOU WONT

YOU WONT ever let it all go

You wont ever show me the hand you really hold

You wont ever realize how powerful you can be

But WAIT…

Your power

 has just made me

Complete

Whole

My heart was so empty

Its now so full

From here on out

I can truly begin to grow

THANK YOU TO EVERYONE WHO WILL NEVER WANT TO SHOW

I Love you, accept you, and will never judge you

But some of you are a boulder of misery

And I will never be able to budge you

But when your ready to crumble

Ready to break

Ill help you pick up the pieces

And watch what you want to make

Life is a game and I choose to play

Life is a game and I choose bobby fisher

I choose the worlds best pitcher

Life is a game and I choose 7-2 off suit

And Im all in

If I lose

Ante up…

cuz im going back in

Life is a game and I choose bob barker

I choose Michael Jordan

I choose Tom Brady

Im going to lose time after time

Because I choose shit

And for the first time

Im going to roll around in it

Smile

Laugh

Hurt

 cry

 im sick and tired of living in the realm of “someday” and “when I”

Someday for me is right now

And when I

Die….

On my tombstone it will read “here lies joey bellus…whatta fucking ride!!!”

THANK YOU EVERYBODY THAT HAS EVER BELIEVED ME AND HAS DOUBTED ME…WHO HAS LOVED ME AND HATED ME…YOU HAVE JUST SHOWN ME WHO I REALLY AM AND I WILL FOREVER BE GRATEFUL.

Inspired by: Real life shit

Written by: Joseph Vincent Bellus

Grasp the hope your waiting to seek

You’re going to fall and hit the bottom

Get back up and have no fear

Life is tough but don’t regret

Change what you see

Keep your soul free

It’s time to live, its time to feel

Don’t keep still make it real

Breathe the air that fills your lungs

Soak it in and let it out

Take a step don’t look back

Leave behind what pulls you down

Stretch your mind

Flex your senses

Share what makes you feel alive

-Team OPT