Letter to Reed <3

Reed,

This is your second letter of the month…sad to say the first one was all about me…how I viewed myself…how I am transforming as a person…how I am learning to live a powerful life…how I am moving on from the past…how I messed up…pretty much all about me…well damn Reed there is the problem right there…i have been so selfish in one specific area of my life…relationships…I tell people how I am transforming and how I want to live a powerful life…and yes I do, 100% and I do have that power and am committed to living a life I love but its impossible to live a life I love without the ones I love in it…there is one person in specific that I have hurt multiple times…this person is a reason why I am transforming my life into a powerful life I love…this person runs circles in my mind 24/7 for many reasons…he is real…Reed seriously he is the most real person I have ever met…it has taken me a while to warm up to but it’s so FREAKEN AMAZING! It is not often you find someone who says it how it is and says it how he feels…PASSION…he doesn’t just have passion…he lives his life through PASSION!!! Never have I met a person so passionate about anything…he could tell me about the most ridiculous thing ever and with his passion behind it I am interested…I have been lucky enough to be a part of his passion as a person and have fully taken advantage of it…he cares…he really cares about me…would do anything for me…worries about me like no other…he is so simple and so sweet…he has his bumps in the road like everyone else…but excepting those little bumps are SOOOO worth what you get from him!! I have taken it for granted..  I have been so worried about me…make sure I don’t get hurt…making sure I don’t disappoint…making sure I don’t let him all the way in… again…I….I….I….well guess what I hurt him!! There is nothing to say or do to take back the selfishness I have had toward him…my selfishness blinded me to some of the most amazing things I have ever had in my life…blinded me to a person I have always wanted…I was selfish because I didn’t want to share…I wanted him all at once…now I don’t have him at all…all I want is for him to be happy…happy in every area of his life…successful in all areas of his life…powerful in all areas in his life…I want him to know he is loved…of course  I want that to be a part of that but I hurt him…I am taking this relationship course right now and we talked about having powerful relationships… no matter what kind of relationship you have with a person for it to be successful there are two things that need to be present… we must be 100% responsible for it… 50% and 50% responsible doesn’t work…well obviously I haven’t been 100% in my relationship…I make excuses and I become selfish…then we look at the concern of a relationship… most peoples’ concerns in a relationship are their own concerns…so in my situation I don’t want to get hurt… I don’t want to mess up…I don’t want to disappoint…I am scared… they are my individual concerns… I have the concerns of having a healthy, powerful and successful relationship but my other concerns take charge. For a successful relationship the concerns of an individual are the concerns of the other person… say my boyfriend’s concerns are “feeling what he does it perfect for me” if I know that’s his concern and I know his efforts are perfect for me then as his partner I better make it known what he does is perfect… if his concern is “I don’t express my feelings” I tend to let MY concerns of “rejections” come before his concern of me expressing my feelings… it really is simple… but I have made it so complicated…my fear of getting rejected or messing up only leads me to messing up and getting rejected…expressing my true feelings for him open up so many possibilities for us…so it’s simple just listen… just listen to him…he has expressed how he hates explaining things, he hates stating the obvious…if I really listen the first time he wouldn’t have to…if my concerns were his concerns I would know the obvious…he is so powerful and it makes sense why he gets so frustrated with people…especially me…he is a blessing in my life and he is crushed because of my selfishness…I am committed to him…to seeing him for him…listening to him…hearing him…showing him me through actions…showing him how much he means to me through actions…he is more than words can explain and I am so very blessed to have met him…

Again thanks for listening ❤

With a clear mind and a full heart!

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